The fact that I have to have C-Sections with all of my babies is a constant struggle for me. I know it shouldn't be, but it just tears me up sometimes. I was planning on going completely natural, use the Bradley method and no drugs. Then Caleb stayed breech and even though we tried 2 external versions (turning him from the outside) he would not move. He even kicked the doctor and flipped back one time. It just killed me to see all I wanted going out the window at the time.
With Stephen my doctor gave me the chance to have him naturally and I labored for 9 hours without drugs and all, before the doctor told me that I had stalled out, there was something wrong, and we needed to get the baby out as soon as possible. Afterwards, he told Andy that 30 minutes more and my uterus would have ruptured because it was as thin as gauze around the old scar. Stephen's head was so large that it was not coming down and he was facing the wrong way. They had to break my water to start labor, though I believe that my body tried hard to labor on it's own 2 weeks before.
All of this is to say that I'm heart-broken over this. My body can only handle at the most 6 pregnancies before it's dangerous to me and the baby, so even though I don't want more than 6, I hate that I don't have a choice in that. I have been trying so hard to get past this, and I have a little peace that there is obviously a reason God has set me on this path, but I still don't know how deal with it. I try to be relaxed and tell Andy that now we can pick our kids' birthdays, but that's not what I want and I don't know what to do. It's just hard to understand why this heart's desire of mine was not to be.
God'll Cut You Down
6 years ago
2 comments:
I'm so sorry! So your doc won't let you try to go natural for #3 and on b/c of the thin area around your uterine scar that was discovered with #2? (Did I understand that right?)
Even though my situations were different than yours, I understand the feeling of not being able to do it "my way," since my labors didn't go according to my plans either.
Yes, you understood correctly. He repaired the thin spot, but he thinks my hips are angled slightly wrong for my big babies, so my laboring doesn't progress quickly and puts to much strain on on the scar. Stephen's head size was off the charts and wouldn't not come down in my pelvis, so for all of our safety all C-Sections. :P Andy doesn't want to lose me so he's not to upset. lol
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