Stone Mountain-July

So I am super behind on posting and wish I had kept up with things, but I've been busy with house stuff and not feeling well so blogging was not high on my priority list. So I will start with our flying family trip to Stone Mountain back in July. The main reason we went was so that we could get to meet David's girlfriend Mary without overwhelming her at my parent's house. We grilled out and had a good time eating and talking. Then Nana and Pop-pop watched the boys while the rest of us climbed the mountain. We got caught in a quick rainstorm while up there and everyone was soaked to the skin. lol We stayed for the laser show of course and no matter if people think it's cheesy or not, it is always fun.

An interesting thing about the laser show... everyone who has seen it knows that at the end they play the National Anthem and fly the flag on the mountain. We were seated about halfway down the lawn and John immediately stood when it started playing... David, James and Andy weren't far behind... they were the only ones I saw standing to begin with and from behind me I hear "Jerks! Blocking my view." Shortly after that the voice said in a different tone, "ohhhh" and I saw the man stand up. By the end of the song, the majority of the crowd was standing with their hands over their hearts, but that initial reaction unfortunately didn't surprise me.

Andy and I obviously... on top of the mountain.

David isn't really this much taller than Mary... they are cute together aren't they. :)

All of us drenched.

Laser show pictures

Song I heard today...

"Holy Water"
Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine wherever she would go
But looking at her now you'd never tell

Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
The unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she crys

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

I found out Andy was my healing hands when we started dating. I love him to death. :)

Singing

There are two activities that I hope to instill a love of in my boys. Reading books, which they have seem to have mastered, and loving music and singing. I love singing and miss singing in the church choir so much, but between not having the lung capacity for it while pregnant and dealing with little ones it just hasn't fit in my schedule again. Instead I've settled for singing to the boys while pregnant and with them young. They both have their favorites and sometimes will only settle down for one particular song. Since my Dad sang to us all the time when I was little, my repertiore mostly consists of hymns, spirituals and old folk songs but we all love it. Now, if I don't have music going Caleb points at the CD player and says please until I turn something on. Our favorite background CD is Beethoven piano music, but we listen to anything and everything from an awesome jazz Christian musician my brothers gave us from New Orleans, to Latin music. I love just putting music on and dancing around the room holding my boys. They love it as much as I do. All of this to say most of y'all are musicians and share the same love for music that I have, but if you aren't... try to instill a love of music in your children so that they don't miss out on a beautiful part of life.

Where has the time gone?

I can't believe that today is the last day of November. This year has been crazy, but through it all we can see God's hand on our lives. I was thinking about everything I have to be thankful for since last Thanksgiving and the list is too numerous to count, but I'll list the ones that really stick out to me.

1. My wonderful husband who has stretched himself thin to provide for our family and stay on top of his school so that he finishes next year. He is my rock and I'm thankful the Lord brought us together.
2. The opportunity to try a VBAC even if it didn't work, and with that for a doctor who know there was something wrong, saving Stephen's life and probably mine.
3. Our church, they have loved and helped us. Ladies came and took Caleb to mothers day out so I could rest and many other things.
4. Parks! Caleb loves slides and can spend a long time on them. Such a great place to meet friends for the afternoon too.
5. Hot Chocolate. Andy makes me a cup in the evenings when my hands are cold and it tastes wonderful.

I know some are funny and I could continue for a while with random things, but these are the ones that come to mind at the moment. :D

Life

It's amazing how much is contained in the word life. If someone asks "how's life" we have so many different things we can assume they are asking. How's school? How's the family? How are you doing? All of which can have many different answers and it's interesting to see what people decide the answer is going to be.

For me life right now consists of trying to keep my head above water with school and taking care of my family. It's amazing how little can get done in a day when you have two cranky children who both want all of your attention. By the time I get the both to bed at night and look at our house I can just get depressed. :P Other times, my boys are little angels and I can have the house sparkling clean and dinner ready when Andy gets home from school. I love having my boys so close together, but it can be really frustrating at times. With my family all 2 1/2 to 3 years apart my Mom was able to train us in proper behavior outside the home before the next one came along. I run through stores trying to keep Caleb from falling out of the buggy, hitting Stephen in the head with something or pitching a fit. All of this is made more difficult by the fact that we can't spank in public without fear that we will have social services knocking on our door.
Life is good in all aspects for me, just long at times. :D

Computer personalities

It has been really interesting this year to see how people act differently when they are hidden behind a computer screen and a pretend character. Andy and I play a game called Warcraft together with people from all over the world. In this game we can join a group of people we call a guild to do different things. We can chat with each other through both an IM chat and a voice service and it's a lot of fun to meet different people and get to know them.

What I find fascinating is how a lot of these people either claim or would claim to be good people, but how when they get behind a computer screen things don't matter since we are in a "different" world. They become very crude and call people things they would never say to their face. These "good people" call girls ho's and talk about sexual things they would be embarrassed by at any other time. Young men talk about raping other characters in game and some of them have never thought about what that really means and how horrible and degrading it is until I've pointed it out. Why do people react like this? We recently left one guild because we could no longer handle the disrespect that people were exhibiting regularly and have joined a guild where people really do seem to follow the rules of normal life. There I am treated like the lady I am and the language is kept to a minimum. In our new guild this game is treated like the game it is and all the normal societal rules are upheld instead of real life taking a back seat to a computer game.

I know this is random, but I have been trying to figure out why people think that all societal norms can be thrown out the window when they are hiding behind an assumed character.

9/11

Since today is the 6th anniversary of 9/11 and the first time it's been back on a Tuesday the radio and TV stations have been going nuts. Andy and I have been talking about it and realized that our memories of that day are as clear as if the events transpired in the last week. It's amazing how we have trouble pinpointing what we did during the day six years ago, but we can remember every detail of September 11th. I remember that my Dad had gotten food poisoning the night before and he and my Mom were at the hospital and I was home with all of my siblings. There were some guys there installing new cabinets and counter tops in our kitchen and I was sewing. I had the radio on and heard the announcers saying a plane had accidentally hit the World Trade Center and turned the TV on in time to witness the second plane in real time. We all sat on the couch and watched TV the rest of the day, having trouble comprehending that terrorists had the audacity to attack us on our own soil. The workmen in our house spent as much time watching TV with us as they did installing things, and only charged my parents for half of the time they were there. Mom and Dad didn't even know anything had happened for about an hour because the hospital staff was trying to keep people calm and they didn't have a TV on in their room.

The gaping holes in New York, the Pentagon and a Pennsylvania field united our country in a way it had not seem since Pearl Harbor and the start of WWII for us. It's amazing how single-minded we were then and now the backstabbing that is being perpetrated by politicians today. How can people stand the weaseling and finger pointing and forget what was done to us? I believe our country is too soft and is rapidly sliding into the diffident, self importance exhibited by Europe. I'm so disgusted with both parties that it almost makes me want to not vote, but if we all do that the wrong people will be elected and our country will be a disaster. So, I will hold my nose, vote, and pray that we will be able to draw our country back from the brink before it's too late and God allows us to be wiped off the map because of our decadent society.

C-Sections

The fact that I have to have C-Sections with all of my babies is a constant struggle for me. I know it shouldn't be, but it just tears me up sometimes. I was planning on going completely natural, use the Bradley method and no drugs. Then Caleb stayed breech and even though we tried 2 external versions (turning him from the outside) he would not move. He even kicked the doctor and flipped back one time. It just killed me to see all I wanted going out the window at the time.

With Stephen my doctor gave me the chance to have him naturally and I labored for 9 hours without drugs and all, before the doctor told me that I had stalled out, there was something wrong, and we needed to get the baby out as soon as possible. Afterwards, he told Andy that 30 minutes more and my uterus would have ruptured because it was as thin as gauze around the old scar. Stephen's head was so large that it was not coming down and he was facing the wrong way. They had to break my water to start labor, though I believe that my body tried hard to labor on it's own 2 weeks before.

All of this is to say that I'm heart-broken over this. My body can only handle at the most 6 pregnancies before it's dangerous to me and the baby, so even though I don't want more than 6, I hate that I don't have a choice in that. I have been trying so hard to get past this, and I have a little peace that there is obviously a reason God has set me on this path, but I still don't know how deal with it. I try to be relaxed and tell Andy that now we can pick our kids' birthdays, but that's not what I want and I don't know what to do. It's just hard to understand why this heart's desire of mine was not to be.

Gifts and Empathy

A long conversation I had last night has gotten me thinking about people's gifts. One of Andy's is leadership, he is very good and figuring out what needs to be done and getting the people for it. My friend Stephanie is an organizer and is very empathic. My main one seems to be empathy. I have the ability to sit down with a complete stranger and have their entire life's story and problems they are having in 5 minutes. Friends come to me with problems and ask for advice I often feel unqualified to give, but they want it anyway. (I'm not trying to brag just explain. :P) For a long time it could drive me to tears trying to help someone and feeling like they through it back in my face. One person did so many times before I realized that it was not good for me and that I needed to stop talking to them for my mental health. Andy says that it is because people recognize that I am genuinely interested in them and will listen to what they have to say, instead of everything being all about me. I just don't know. This was all brought to mind by a friend I really like, but don't know all that well yet, who called me for help last night. I hope I was able to offer comfort and help with the depression that was there, but just found it interesting that they would call me instead of someone they were closer to. I love talking to people and helping them, I just have to be careful that I do not hurt myself be taking their problems on my own shoulders. Empathy is a wonderful, but dangerous gift. And this post is not meant to ask people to stop calling me. PLEASE do call. :) It's just a way to organize my thoughts and try to straighten things out in my head.

How to grow up

The longer Andy and I are parents the more we realize how much we have grown and changed in the last few years, and that we are the final human authority on our family's lives. It has been a stuggle to assert that authority in some places and to decide where the line is between having family relations and protecting our children from things we do not want to go through. We believe we have finally reached the best decision for us for the time being and the pressure placed on us no longer matters. The Lord made everything clear for Andy in the days following Stephen's birth, especially after he was told that another 30 minutes and we would have lost Stephen and there was a strong chance I would have died. It seems like a horrible incident, but it was actually very special because it just showed Christ's love and protection in a very clear way.

Another note...
I have come to learn the joys of consignment sale shopping. I found a glider rocker that looks brand new for $30 and several really cute boys outfits for next to nothing. I have to avoid the books, because I'd buy way too many. The kids books especially. lol I don't have room for more books until we move and Andy can build another bookcase.
Caleb has recently learned the joys of coloring and tries his best to share his crayons with Stephen. :) It's precious and I can fold laundry at the table while he colors. lol

Babies... Miracles

Something my family and I were talking about yesterday made me go look up the story about the baby that was born at 21 weeks and survived. The link is below of anyone is interested in looking at it. But this quote made me sick to my stomach. "Should one really be trying at all to keep that baby alive?" asks Professor Richard Nicholson, editor of the Bulletin of Medical Ethics. "Chances are it will require an enormous amount to be spent on it for the rest of its life. It disgusts me that life is worth so little anymore that all people think about is how much it will cost them, not the miracle of life itself. This past Spring there were huge bulletin boards around Auburn campus with extremely graphic pictures of abortions on them for a week. The stir in the students was profound. I heard one girl in my apartment complex who said that she didn't know that was what they did in abortions, that she had to go throw up after seeing them, and that she could never support abortions again. It was amazing to hear. I wasn't able to go see them, because I knew I couldn't handle it, especially since I was pregnant. Anyway, that is my deep post for the week.

The link... http://www.guardian.co.uk/medicine/story/0,,2017772,00.html